Friday 6 June 2014

Loneliness!

        I sit on my bed watching photographs of me and Sameer. I had been doing it from the past few days, re-living every moment captured in those pictures once more - a photograph taken in the park where he was swinging me, our birthday parties, a snap from my cousin’s marriage where I was looking somewhere and he was sneaking a peek at me when my friend had clicked the picture, the walk on the beach where he had proposed to me… That brought a fresh wave of tears. I knew without as much as a glance in the mirror that I looked horrible, eyes swollen and kohl stained cheeks from non-stop crying.

       It was 2 am and I longed to drift into sleep’s oblivion where I could escape from all this pain but sleep wasn't an option. It had been days since I last slept peacefully. My days were filled with a constant internal turmoil. I was on the verge of breaking down but I still smiled on the surface, acting like I was fine in front of others; and no one noticed! I wonder if I was that good of an actress or people just didn't give a damn to observe closely and to figure out how lonely I was. I would break down as soon as I reached the familiarity of my room, the pent up emotions flowing out at once, all pretense vanishing in thin air.

       I look at my cell hoping to see messages from Sameer saying he missed me and scolding me for being so irresponsible. I almost smiled imagining how he would scold me if he saw the state I was in. I was sure he would frown more if I laughed when he was scolding. Ah, I was so desperate to hear his voice once. But I knew I couldn’t. I close my eyes wishing to escape from this all but the images from that night started to flash before my eyes.

       Images of him smiling as he said a bye to me as we returned from the beach. I was beaming with happiness after the proposal. I was smiling as I saw Sameer's name flash on my cell. I had received it thinking how it was just minutes before he had left and he already was calling me; only to be greeted with a news that shook the ground beneath my feet. "Madam the person has died due to an accident. The car driver was drunk and it was a hit and run case. We are calling you as your number was last dialled from this cell. Do you know this person?" I hadn't been able to respond to his questions; I was numb from shock! I couldn't believe how the day had turned out. My Sameer had paid an irrevocable price for someone else's fault; and I still was paying for the same! Memories from that fateful night haunted me as loneliness gripped me hard, enveloping me inside the black void. I cried for my loss, for the twisted joke destiny was playing on me. These days Music is my refuge. I can crawl into the space between the notes and curl back to my loneliness. The only escape I have found from this misery. I knew this memory would haunt me for a life time but for now, I tried to find solace in the music for I knew Sameer hated it when I cried.

PS: This story is fiction and is written in response to Write Tribe's Wednesday Prompt 2014 #18.


Until the next post,
Keep Smiling :)

Love,
Swathi :)

45 comments:

  1. A post full of such a strong emotions and equally strong message! I could feel pain piercing right into my heart!

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  2. this is so touching. You expressed the feeling of loss and loneliness so well.

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  3. So very moving. Well done! Thank you for sharing.

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  4. I was happy to read the last part where you mentioned it was Fiction! It felt so real. The emotions and the Flow! Beautiful!

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  5. Music soothes the soul. Sometimes I hate looking at pictures from the past. They remind me how much I miss my Mom and Dad. Right after they first died I treasured their pictures and felt as if they kept them near me. I could look at them when i needed too..but now they just make me feel sad. ♥

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    1. Oh kathy!! Its true that pictures can make us happy and sad depending on the situation! **Sending hugs and strength your way**

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  6. Gosh! Hate such reckless driving on the roads! A very moving story, very well narrated, Swathi!

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  7. Such a terribly sad story! What pain she must be going through - can't even imagine.
    You expressed well her helplessness and her inner struggle to keep up appearances.

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  8. Sad story Swathi.
    But, reality... Nicely narrated.

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  9. emotional ,you weaved the quote beautifully in the flow of the narrative

    Insult

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  10. That was a twist I did not anticipate, Swathi. You are getting better at reeling in your readers :)

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  11. That was so sad. You brought out the sadness, despair and loneliness very well. And music does soothe the soul.

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  12. sad .. i wonder are people alone or a "lone" sometime ? .. wonderfully narrated :)

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    1. I wonder so too! But its difficult to find out sometimes. Thanks Ankur :)

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  13. Such a sad story! And more often than not somebody else has to pay somebody else's fault. Well written Swathi :)

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  14. Ah the pain...brought back some harsh memories.

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  15. Quite sad... I can't handle that much of sad. So I shall pass only by saying it was well portrayed...

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  16. Those are lot of emotions in one post .. Take care
    and good story

    Bikram

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  17. Good one, Swathi. Glad that it's fiction and not fact !!

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  18. Powerful post with well expressed emotions and what one goes though at the loss of a dear one. Heart wrenching no doubt but expressed in a way that one identifies with the person.
    http://vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com/2014/06/10/wednesday-prompt-2014-18-my-thoughts-on-inspiring-maya-angelou/

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    1. Thanks a lot Vishal :) This was a new try for me :)

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  19. Wow!!!First time on your blog and loved the first post that i read. The flow was too good.

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  20. post wid emotions :) well described n yep music helps :)

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