Loneliness!

        I sit on my bed watching photographs of me and Sameer. I had been doing it from the past few days, re-living every moment captured in those pictures once more - a photograph taken in the park where he was swinging me, our birthday parties, a snap from my cousin’s marriage where I was looking somewhere and he was sneaking a peek at me when my friend had clicked the picture, the walk on the beach where he had proposed to me… That brought a fresh wave of tears. I knew without as much as a glance in the mirror that I looked horrible, eyes swollen and kohl stained cheeks from non-stop crying.

       It was 2 am and I longed to drift into sleep’s oblivion where I could escape from all this pain but sleep wasn't an option. It had been days since I last slept peacefully. My days were filled with a constant internal turmoil. I was on the verge of breaking down but I still smiled on the surface, acting like I was fine in front of others; and no one noticed! I wonder if I was that good of an actress or people just didn't give a damn to observe closely and to figure out how lonely I was. I would break down as soon as I reached the familiarity of my room, the pent up emotions flowing out at once, all pretense vanishing in thin air.

       I look at my cell hoping to see messages from Sameer saying he missed me and scolding me for being so irresponsible. I almost smiled imagining how he would scold me if he saw the state I was in. I was sure he would frown more if I laughed when he was scolding. Ah, I was so desperate to hear his voice once. But I knew I couldn’t. I close my eyes wishing to escape from this all but the images from that night started to flash before my eyes.

       Images of him smiling as he said a bye to me as we returned from the beach. I was beaming with happiness after the proposal. I was smiling as I saw Sameer's name flash on my cell. I had received it thinking how it was just minutes before he had left and he already was calling me; only to be greeted with a news that shook the ground beneath my feet. "Madam the person has died due to an accident. The car driver was drunk and it was a hit and run case. We are calling you as your number was last dialled from this cell. Do you know this person?" I hadn't been able to respond to his questions; I was numb from shock! I couldn't believe how the day had turned out. My Sameer had paid an irrevocable price for someone else's fault; and I still was paying for the same! Memories from that fateful night haunted me as loneliness gripped me hard, enveloping me inside the black void. I cried for my loss, for the twisted joke destiny was playing on me. These days Music is my refuge. I can crawl into the space between the notes and curl back to my loneliness. The only escape I have found from this misery. I knew this memory would haunt me for a life time but for now, I tried to find solace in the music for I knew Sameer hated it when I cried.

PS: This story is fiction and is written in response to Write Tribe's Wednesday Prompt 2014 #18.

Until the next post,

Keep Smiling :)

Love,

Swathi :)