The Goodbyes - College Diary #1

       I came home today with tears in my eyes. I just couldn't stop crying. My mom was shocked, given that I had been to branch fest happily and while she expected me to come back and tell her about how good it was, I had come back crying. Her mind was already working out 1000 different things that could have gone wrong. Did the magazine release go bad? (I will write about it in another post) Did you mess up while hosting? Did anyone say something to you? Her questions were endless but I couldn't speak other than shaking my head. I could see her panicking. I didn't want to worry her on Mother's Day like this. Finally, I managed to say what was bothering me. "It's all over... college... I am feeling bad" I said between sobs and broke down again. And what did she do? Burst out laughing!!

        Well, I can't blame her. Till now I was waiting for this day. Whenever I saw someone getting emotional about the end approaching soon, I would pull out a poker face not wanting to show them how happy I was with the fact. Of course I was happy! No more classes, no more going to college, no more assignments and no more reading for internals. Sounded too good for me. But today these same words which used to make me happy all these days, are making me emotional. No more classes - I would miss sitting in the last bench, passing comments, doodling and bunking class to go to canteen. No more going to college - I would miss roaming in campus, clicking random pics, enjoying with friends, fighting over petty issues and then forgetting them sooner than it happened. No more assignments - I would miss fighting over who will write it, copying it from friends and coming up with creative excuses when we failed to complete it. No more reading for internals - no more worrying over average, no more dividing the portions between friends and no more mugging up minutes before internals. 

       I still can't believe its been four years already! It still feels like yesterday that I joined engineering, not because I wanted to but because I was forced to. I was hoping these 4 years would end soon and it did! Then why am I feeling so bad now when this is what I wanted all along?

       Every word holds a different meaning today. When I look back, I can only see moments that make me smile because they were so good and cry because they are coming to an end. Oh, how I wish I can stop time right at this moment and thus stop the goodbyes that will follow in few days. But wish as I might, I know life has to go on. So while there is still few days left, I want to make the most of it and collect as many memories I can to cherish them for the rest of my life. 

         Starting from today, for the rest of the month, I am going to share stories of my college life. It is my way of coping up with the overflowing emotions and cherishing the memories forever. This 'College Diary' series is dedicated to all my friends and lecturers (Yes!) who made these 4 years a memorable one :)

Until the next post,

Keep Smiling :)

Love,

Swathi :)

Starting a New Life

       Sometimes it is so difficult to move on. Everything will be going on normally and when you think life cannot get any better, it takes a drastic turn and you end up being hurt. Same thing happened with me few years back.

       M was my best friend during school. We always used to be together. No matter what, we used to stay together, pull each other's leg, fight for silly reason and then patch up sooner. There was nothing that could come between our friendship. Our classmates used to envy our friendship and teachers used to praise it. In short, we were the best of friends. But everything changed one fine day.

       There was a certain someone who, jealous of our friendship, did everything to destroy it. We never used to fall prey for her tactics but don't know when it changed. Maybe we started taking each other for granted or maybe our bond grew weak over time. But the damage was done. Due to one small misunderstanding, our beautiful friendship was ruined. I tried to make up for it, tried to clear the misunderstanding but M would take none of it. Her mind was set and there was nothing I could do to change it. In her view, I was the one at fault.

       After trying my best, I decided it was time to move on. I had did everything in my power. Now it was up to her to believe me or not. I embraced the change. It was difficult in the beginning. I was used to having her by my side all the time that without her, life felt incomplete. But slowly, I accepted the fact. She was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. When I accepted that, life became a little easy. Each day was a challenge. Whenever I saw friends hanging out together, I used to remember her and I would feel weak again. But over the course of time, it just became a dull throb at the back of the mind.

      Initially, I was reluctant to make new friends. When you are hurt once, it is difficult to trust on anyone again. I started keeping to myself. But soon I realized it was not going to help. Life is nothing if you don't have friends by your side to share all the little happiness. I slowly started coming out of my shell and began to interact with people again. I made new friends and life started getting beautiful. 

       Now when I look back, I don't regret my friendship with M. Instead, I am glad that it lasted for that long. Because when it did, it was the most beautiful time of my life. Yes, it was difficult to cope up with the change when we stopped talking to each other but still, it was totally worth it! Some changes are good because they teach you so many important lessons of life.

       This post is written for housing.com.

Until the next post,

Keep Smiling :)

Love,

Swathi :)