A Battle of Thoughts


       Kriya sat in the corner of the room again, hugging her legs tight for she was afraid that if she let go of them, they might take her somewhere she didn't wish to go. She felt like she was at The Edge of the World. One step forward and she would fall forever into the unknown.

       Her thoughts had been scaring her a lot today. There was a voice inside her that was teasing her, calling her a coward for not being able to do it earlier. She had sat at this very place a few hours ago, knife in her hand, wanting to slice through her wrists for she didn't know any other way out of the mess she had gotten herself into. She wasn't scared of the sin she was about to commit nor did she care about the after effects of it. It really won't be any of her business, right? She would be free from all this. The voice was encouraging her, luring her to do it, for it was tired of the emotional pain that she had put it through. The only way to let it all would be to cause physical pain. She vaguely smiled at the logic. She took the knife closer to her wrist and touched the tip to her wrist, applying a little pressure. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt! Instead it felt good; it felt like that was the exact moment she was waiting for so long. 

      She felt the voice inside her begging to finish it soon. And just when she was about to slice her wrist mercilessly, she heard his voice saying he loved her. “Lies” she cried through gritted teeth as his voice refused to stop ringing in her ears. He had claimed eternal love but when the time had come to prove it, he had escaped! He had left her to pursue his dreams. “I do love you Kriya, but I have to go. I might never get an opportunity like this” he had said before flying to The States! Did he consider her so selfish to become an obstacle in his path? Where did all the love go? 

       ‘Everyone is self-centered; it’s just the radius that differs’ said a small voice at the back of her mind. Wasn't she being selfish too, trying to end her life for someone who didn't care enough about her, when she should have been thinking about the others in her life who loved her? She sat there for a long time, her thoughts fighting a battle of their own. She could either take a step forward and end it all or go back to living her life, which was a mess at that time. 'But you could always work it out' said the sane voice again. It was a hard battle but gradually, her grip on the knife loosened as the selfish part was defeated. She stood up slowly dusting herself and wiping her tears, determined to make a fresh start.

PS: Last month, on my Blog's first anniversary, I had written a guest post about Self confidence on my friend Gayu Di's blog - Outside the Kitchen Window. She is a friend I got on Facebook and her writing inspired me to start this blog. So, while you are here, do give it a read. You can read my guest post here. 

PSS: This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Blogger by BlogAdda and Wordy Wednesday #9 by Blog-A-Rhythm.

 

Until the next post,
Keep Smiling :)

Love,
Swathi :)

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